The most OOC story ever written part II !
by Arie
Summary: Chapter 5, sorta risque lol
1. Fan girls...ASSEMBLE!

  
  
Scene: An average Slayers trip through the woods. Lina's counting gold taken from an unlucky group of bandits, Amelia's trailing behind a blushing Zelgadiss, openly praising him and his "devotion to justice", Gourry is …well being Gourry, Xellos is smiling…like always.  
  
  
  
Suddenly~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Dun dun dun)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Lina carefully tucks the money away *like she was actually going to drop it* and looks around alarmed, "What was that?"  
  
Gourry shrugged in response, while Amelia clung to Zel  
  
Z: *Sweatdrop*  
  
::Rustle rustle::  
  
…………  
  
::Rustle rustle::  
  
*SQUEAL!* "IT'S HIM!!!!!!!!"  
  
Seemingly out of nowhere, a horde of squealing young lasses *lasses?* aka fangirls, descend upon the group.  
  
Instinctively both Gourry and Zel cower, trying to make themselves invisible.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gourry stood, "Hey, I'm alive!"  
  
Zel looks around suspiciously, "Me too…"  
  
They immediately turn to find Xel being mauled by the swarm.  
  
Lina and Amelia have both departed, not wanting to be drawn in.  
  
"HE'S SO KWAII!!!!!" "I WANT HIM TO BE MY BISHONEN!" "HE'S SO ADORABLE!" "I'LL BET HE'S KINKY!"  
  
All (men): 0.0  
  
All of a sudden the group disperses, revealing a somewhat naked Xel *It's a mystery how those clothes got removed…*  
  
Gourry piped up, "At least they didn't kill you! AH!" The horde descended upon a very shocked Gourry.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------- moments later- -------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Gourry's clothes are torn as well, along with various shades of lipstick marking kissable spots.  
  
"uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh." ::thump:: Gourry fainted.  
  
Zel flinched, waiting his turn.  
  
Nothing.  
  
The group was gone.  
  
"…I guess this is good."  
  
Just then, "Zel…" One of the girls had come back and Zel started to back away, fearing his life.  
  
::GLOMP:: "I wuv you Zelly chan ^.^"  
  
"Ahem?"  
  
She pulled herself off the crimson chimera, "Sorry Xellos! I have a lot of bishonen I'll have you know."  
  
With a haughty toss of her hair, the girl sauntered off.  
  
Xellos disappeared then, mubling about "damn women." Gourry was still out of it while a suddenly curious chimera examined his pocket.  
  
*CALL ME! XX…OO..XXXXXXX!*  
  
All was right with the world.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Nothing like rabid fangirls to boost ones self esteem ne? 


	2. Slayers: Drunk

After saving the world (once again) Lina and her newfound money are treating the gang to a round of drinks at a rather nice tavern.  
  
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Amelia sniffed the crimson liquid, inspecting it suspiciously, "Miss Lina, I don't think that it's just to drink when underage…"  
  
"I'll take it!" With that, Gourry confiscated Amelia's wine and added it to his own glass. Zelgadiss merely sneered and mumbled something about drunken fools before retiring to the bathroom.  
  
Xellos' eyes opened a bit, glancing around the table. No one was watching. He opened a small flask and poured its contents into the chimera's cup before happily downing his ridiculously oversized margarita.  
  
Filia had ordered a banana daiquiri and was hesitantly sipping it. Lina was gorging herself on pretzels  
  
Zel returned a minute later and quickly downed his coffee, asking for another.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lina, still eating, is barely aware of the state of her companions.  
  
Amelia, wobbling slightly, suddenly proclaims, "You know what!? Evil sucks! One time…I forget..one time…"  
  
Zelgadiss gazed at his coffee cup, intrigued, "I wonder if I could use my hands as a coffee cup?"  
  
"In the name of Jusfice…You SHOULD!" Amelia hiccupped loudly and fell back in her chair, giggling.  
  
Zel leaned over and glared at her a moment, trying to get his eyes to focus, "Know what 'Melia?"  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"You have big hoo hoos."  
  
Amelia thought a moment, and burst out laughing again.  
  
Zel took another drink, and fell face first onto the table.  
  
"This place smells like…old cheese and vinegar."  
  
Xellos pranced about the room, "I'm a preeeeetty pony!" He paused behind Zel and poked him for a moment or two. "Oi oi, Zel. You're drunk Zel chan."  
  
Zelgadiss sat up and pointed at the mazoku, "YOU don't know ME! You're my best friend, I love you." Zel collapsed into Xellos' chest.  
  
"You're so funny Zel chan." Xellos promptly dropped him and continued to prance around the room again, laughing this time.  
  
Filia piped up all of a sudden, "Xellos is Not a pretty pony…he is…a poo head! And another thing!--" Filia dozed off in her chair.  
  
A second later she awoke and pressed her finger into Gourry's chest, distracting him from his drink, "I think that you…are…very cute. DO you wan…wanna kiss me?"  
  
"Umm….what?"  
  
"I'm very se..seky…sexery…sexy, huh?"  
  
"Wait…what?" Gourry frowned a moment, before finishing his drink.  
  
Zelgadiss popped up from the floor, "No-no none of Ya'll know me! Can't tell me what to do!" He fell down again.  
  
Amelia burst out laughing again with Filia joining in.  
  
  
  
We'll end our scene with Filia and Amelia clinging to eachother singing, "Spice up your life.", Zelgadiss holding a bottle, slurring "You can all go to hell for all I care, fuck I dun really care any damn way." Gourry, talking into his cup for the echo, Xellos doing the cabbage patch, and Lina simply scratching her head. 


	3. New Slayers merchandise

((This is what happens when you have too much free time on your hands))  
  
Announcer: "Are you bored with all the regular slayers merchandise out on the market? Are you tired of the same old action figures. Do you demand excitement!? Well here at reality Co. we give you, the customer, what you've been asking for."  
  
  
  
PIMP DADDY ZEL: This plushie comes with bona fide pimpin hat, pimpin cane, and gold teeth. Pull the string and here such phrases as "I'm all about the benjamins." Just 9.95!  
  
Double your enjoyment of the Zelgadiss plushie with our Slayers hos series:  
  
Unbeweavable Lina!: comes with several mix and mach wigs and hairpieces  
  
Bootylicious Amelia: Comes with real ghetto attitude. She's a chicken head and proud of it!  
  
Martina: Comes as is  
  
Baby Momma Slyphiel: She's so nice, what player wouldn't want her has his baby's momma, comes with diaper bag.  
  
Also: Collect The Pimpin Ho-tel. Gold plated with real working Jacuzzi!  
  
The pimpmobile: Red corvette with gold rims. Plays "Big pimpin" on horn  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------  
  
PROFESSOR GOURRY: Comes with real working bubble pipe and monocle for that oh so distinguished look. Also choose one of Gourry's favorite books including : Hop on Pop, The sesame street alphabet book, and Barney counts by twos!  
  
Alternate Lifestyle Xellos and Zelgadiss: …  
  
80's XELLOS: Comes with mullet  
  
HIPPIE REZO: Comes with sunglasses  
  
Schoolmarm Martina: Come fully dressed  
  
WONDERBRA LINA!: Lina's wish finally comes true  
  
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We also have:  
  
THE SHIPPERS SPECIAL: comes with Las Vegas wedding chapel along with phony Elvis plushie to perform the ceremony. Chose from the following couples (each couple sold separately)  
  
Lina and Gourry: (Shotgun wedding)  
  
Amelia and Zelgadiss: (Drunken wedding)  
  
Xellos and Filia: (Fantasy wedding)  
  
Martina and Zangulus: (Fairy tale wedding)  
  
Slyphiel and Valgarv: (Not gonna last wedding. Comes complete with divorce papers and spousal support ruling)  
  
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S&M Xellos: (must be at least 18 to order, dog collar sold separately)  
  
Bust a move Shabranigdu- dances to "You drive me crazy."  
  
Therapy Zel: Zel finally copes with his appearance (comes with self help book and Prozac)  
  
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ALTERNATE SHIPPER SPECIALS:  
  
Xellos and Amelia: Amelia comes with leather outfit and matching whip  
  
Valgarv and Filia: Comes with free certificate for family therapy  
  
Lina and Zelgadiss: Lina comes with bitch slapping action  
  
Slyphiel and Gourry: Slyphiel comes with various deserts (the best way to a man's stomach)  
  
Xellos and Zelgadiss: …  
  
Xellos and Gourry: Xel comes with an "I'm with stupid" t-shirt  
  
Xellos and Lina: Lina comes with kung foo grip  
  
Xellos and Valgarv: …  
  
Xellos and Xellos:…  
  
Xellos and Slyphiel: comes with bottle of tequila  
  
Xellos and Amelia: Xellos comes with earplugs  
  
Xellos and Martina: Xellos comes with earplugs  
  
Xellos and Zangulus: …  
  
Gourry and Filia: Filia comes with irish coffee  
  
Gourry and Amelia: both come with perpetual look of confusement  
  
Gourry and Naga:…  
  
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And for the men in our audience:  
  
SLAYERS SLUMBER PARTY: all the slayers women (+ wonderbra Lina) dressed in their slumberparty best. All come with lace nighties  
  
Also  
  
(we couldn't figure out a good reason to get the guys undressed so) SKINNY DIPPING: the slayers men all go out for a dip on a warm day (anatomically correct, must be 18 to order)  
  
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WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SLAYERS! 


	4. commercialization

--------------------------------

((What would you do for a Klondike bar??))

Announcer: Say Ms. Amelia, what would _you _do for a klondike bar? 

Amelia: Why just about anything...as long as it isn't against the cause of justice! Or pro evil; like mugging old ladies or stealing candy or something. No, it'd have to be for the cause of justice and an icecream novelty is a just reward for the cause of justice.

Announcer: Erm...yes Ms. Amelia, your challenge is to not say the words just or justice for an hour.

Amelia: BUT-

Announcer: I have a klondike bar, rich creamy ice cream dipped in chocolate *waves in front of amelia's face*

Amelia: oh...FINE

(20 min later)

Lina: So Amelia, what do you think about beating up that old guy and taking his jewels??

Amelia: *grumble grumble*

Lina: No objections? I guess we can do it then *snickers to herself*

Announcer: SAY XELLOS

Xellos: *raises an eye brow*

Announcer: What would _you_ do for a Klondike bar?

Xellos: hmm...nothing?

Announcer: ...but...

Xellos: I'll just take this. Thank you *walks off with Klondike bar*

Announcer: aww hell...

Announcer: GOURRY! what would you do for a Klondike bar?

Gourry: **There's a Klondike bar somewhere**??? **WHERE**?!?!?! *proceeds to knock over the camera, camera man, and announcer in pursuit of Klondike bar*

Announcer: LINA! What would _you_ do for a Klondike bar??

Lina: I'd take it

Announcer: but...you're not allowed to do that...

Lina: **_OH really_**? *begins to recite spell for dragon slave*

Annoouncer: *takes off, grabbing cameraman by the arm, the view is an homage to the blair witch project*

For that chocolaty coated ice cream loaded big and thick no room for a stick. What would you doooo for a Klondike bar.


	5. BOYS GONE WILD

(note-this is more of all over bishie oocness)

Announcer: You've seen regular boys 

2nd Announcer: Good boys!

1: Bad boys!

2: and everything in between!

1:But now we have bishies au natural, acting as you've never seen them before!

2: Wild!

1: Normal boys gettin rowdy!

2: Wild!

1:Meet Xellos Metallium

2: Normal...erm...fruit cake

3: One sip of sake and this boy is going wild!

((Xellos pops out of Filia's birthday cake wearing a can can outfit ala moulin rouge "HEY BIG SPENDER))

1&2:....anyway...

1: Meet Zelgadiss Greywords

2:Normal!

1: A couple keggers and this boy is goin wild!

((Zelgadis pimping his way down the street in his white fur coat, white hat with the feather in it, gold tipped pimpin cane, 4,000 gold chains, and several girls on either arm))

1: Meet Aya! (weiss Kruez))

2: uh..Normal?

1: Twelve beers and the excitement of Mardi Gras--

2:WIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!!!!!!

(( Aya sways a little on the curb then all of a sudden...*block that says "TOO WILD" covers his uh...nether region))

1: And we also have--

2: NAKED IN THE ONSEN!

1: Bishonen in their natural nude enviornment--

2: NUDE!!!

1: Misty-

2:NUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:Onsens!

((Various pics of Bishies just relaxing--Trunks san, Xellos, Zelgadiss, Heero,Sesshoumaru our bishie harems combined then stepping out and toweling themselves off with various censor bars covering their...sensitive parts))

1:DON'T DELAY!!

2:BUY TODAY!!

1: It's WIIIIILD!!

1: We also have, Bishonen strip club

2: Where the hottest bishies--

1:BEAR IT ALLLLL

((Xellos in fireman outfit/ police outfit "You have the right to remain aroused." Zelgadiss sliding down pole, Aya falling off stage They were really drunk...except xellos))

2: BUY NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!

only $19.95 plus shipping and handling,* from oxymoron*


End file.
